The REAL Child Obesity Problem

 
 
 
 
Dad Called Unfit Parent for Refusing Son McDonalds
(Link to article)
 
 
 
When I read the article above, I was so incensed that I knew the topic would make it's way here, to the "batcave" of the FG archives.  I read the article when I was at work...my face turned red, I began sputtering and stammering, my veins bulged from my neck, and Keith, with a "deer in the headlights" look in his eye picked up the phone to dial 911, thinking I was having a heart attack.  This was wrong on so many levels that I didn't even know where to begin in my disgust.
 
A New York non-custodial parent in the midst of a custody battle over his 4 year old son (please don't blow by the fact that this kid is FOUR years old...4....quatro, vier, fyra - for those of you fluent in Spanish, Dutch and Swedish).  The father has a typical Tuesday night place he takes his son to eat dinner, the Corner Café in Manhattan.  The kid has in his mind that he wants McDonalds...so he does what any respecting 4 year old does in order to not be blackballed from the Union...he has a 5 alarm fit. 
 
Those of you who have kids or have raised kids have seen them...they look a little like I did when I read the article.  Arms flailing, legs kicking, veins bulging, yelling, screaming, sometimes accompanied by breath holding...it's ugly.  Most of them could go on the road and do improv.  They're truly gifted.
 
So this father is presented with a dilemma.  The kid played his hand.  How will the father respond?  Did he say, either we eat at Corner Café or there will be no dinner?  Did he spank his kid right there on the spot?  Did he yell at him?  He offered the kid the option of eating anywhere else on the planet besides McDonalds or no dinner at all.  The kid (I'm sure after consulting his Union rep) decided to play the "no dinner" card.  Ok, kid.  To make a long story short, custodial Mom hears about it, has poor 4 year old Junior along with his severely damaged psyche hauled to a child psychologist, and the good Doc deems Dad an unfit parent for not indulging his kids desire for a trip to the golden arches.
 
It didn't appear that the Dad's McDonald's objection had anything to do with the highly nutritious cuisine offered by Ronald McDonald, it seemed to have more to do with the desire of a parent to not reward highly inappropriate behavior.  There is a very important truth that must be recognized here:
 
What gets rewarded gets repeated.
 
The guy had two options here...silence the meltdown (and the potential public scene) by giving in to the kid's demands and go to McDonalds, or prolong the pain (and probably the drama) of the event by having the kid be disappointed by telling him "No".  This father chose the latter, knowing that by giving in, the odds increase dramatically that next time the kids wants something that he can't have, there will be a repeat of the Academy Award nominated performance.  In my opinion, Dad chose rightly.
 
And how does society respond?  By rewarding indulgent (weak, pansy ass, cowardly) parenting, and punishing responsible (courageous, wise, genius) parenting because he damaged the fragile (?) ego of this poor little guy.  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??? 
 
The plague of childhood obesity has been highlighted in recent years, and the prevalence of fast food in children's diets appears to be a part of the problem.  I agree that it is a problem.  However, if you've ever done any research on the "overindulged child syndrome", you may agree with me that I'd rather have a chunky kid (if only given a choice between the two) than a kid who believes that he's entitled to receive everything his little self-centered heart desires.  I'm not so sure that there isn't a connection between these two childhood issues.  Sure kid, you can shove anything in your mouth that your little (now strained) heart desires.  (disclaimer: I know there are other issues involved in obesity that aren't entirely related to diet...sheesh)  Dr. Phil said once that a child will get over the disappointment of being told no, but he will not get over the effects of being spoiled (over indulged).
 
It didn't damage my fragile self-esteem when my mom said, "You either eat what's put in front of you at dinner, or you can go without."  It didn't put me into therapy when I wanted the latest and greatest toy, or wanted to have the thing that "all the other kids have" to have Dad simply say "no".  Sometimes it was as simple as that...no explanation, no sales pitch from the folks, no justification of their position...it was expected that out of respect for my parents, I would accept a simple "No".  I don't recall my sons ever requiring therapy because I didn't cave to their tantrums...I gave them much more significant reasons to require therapy.  Trevor repeatedly said to me, "Yet another childhood memory to suppress." Sorry boys, get over it.
 
Society is turning out self-centered, egotistically fat, entitlement driven, selfish turds.  I see the effects of it in the workplace.  There are those who throw a fit (accompanied by anger, 4 letter words, phone slamming, email 'yelling', etc.) when they don't get their way, even when it's in conflict with company policy or common sense...and it astounds me how often people cave to these fits...what gets rewarded gets repeated.
 
Precedents are being set, legally and otherwise, that rewards overindulgent parenting.  What is going to happen to parents who are trying to avoid raising egotistically obese children, who turn into horrible adults?  Like so many other issues facing my kids and grandkids, I'm scared for their future.
 
Maybe what we need is a little more good, old fashioned Andy Griffith therapy:
 
 
 


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