For He Who Has Eyes to See
You know your relationship with your spouse has reached a whole new level when the kids are gone for a few days, and the first thing you do to kick up your heels and have some fun is...go to the eye doctor together. I've seen a lot of books about marriage (some of which were actually helpful), and some of those books talk about doing things together to keep the flame going, to keep love alive, or to keep things fresh...I'm not 100% sure, but I'm relatively certain none of them had in their list of date ideas: "Get your eyes checked together".
That date idea carries with it some inherent risk. Maybe her lack of good eyesight is one of the reasons she's hanging with me...she just hasn't had a good look at me yet! Well, risk notwithstanding, after we met some old friends for lunch and went to a really exciting birthday party for a 6 year old, we went to the eye docs office.
My wife had been to this office before, so I was handed the clipboard with 2 hours worth of medical history to complete, one or two questions actually having anything remotely to do with my eyeballs, and proceeded to draw lines through the "no" boxes. I really do thank God that I've had (in spite of some horrible personal habits I've had off and on throughout my life) a very healthy life. My medical history highlight pretty much began and ended at three years old getting my tonsils out. Now that I think of it, however, there WAS that one time my head swelled up the size of a basketball. That was kinda ugly. I still haven't shared those photos online, at least not yet. Suffice it to say for now that when I sent the photo from the emergency room to my oldest son, he thought I had sent him a photoshopped image. Nope, that was me in all my swollen glory! Anyway, that being said, it doesn't take me long to deal with all of those medical history questions. Between being healthy and being adopted, it makes quick work of those forms.
I took the clipboard proudly to the reception desk and was asked for my insurance card. I dug through my cards and found the vision insurance card and handed it to the girl behind the counter. The look on her face, you know, that quizzical look that made me wonder if I mistakenly handed her my concealed carry permit card. "Um...we don't take that insurance." Mind you, this is probably the biggest eye group in the city that's been around for years. They take "Claude's Red Dirt Inshoorance" for crying out loud. We work for a fairly large company and this office doesn't take what clearly is a better insurance company named "Superior"....which is clearly NOT superior. Thank the Lord for flex spending cards and my decision to max my contributions this year.
When they called BOTH of our names, I wasn't sure if it was a couples massage or an eye exam. I think this is the first time it's not been a solo experience for me. I'm flexible though. It usually means I have some golden opportunities to harass the lovergirl in front of an audience. Mostly embarrass her, but hey, tomato, tomahto.
The exams went well. She's just a little more in need for correction than her previous appointment. I started shopping for a seeing eye dog. Dang. My eyesight was perfect, actually better than 20/20 until a handful of years ago, and then I start going all Stevie Wonder. I've been practicing at work though, so in the event my eyesight degenerates too badly, I'll at least be slightly prepared. Being built up to Americans with Disabilities Act compliance, there are braille signs tagging everything in the building. So when the lovergirl and I are going to the get something downstairs in the break room, I'll feel the braille outside of the elevator and tell her it says, "3rd Floor", or by the restroom, "Women's restroom", then "break room"....she's always VERY impressed.
So now it's decision time. Contacts or glasses? I've had glasses for the last few years. I can survive without them, but details in the distance are a challenge, and details up close are a challenge. I can work all day in front of my three computer monitors for 9-10 hours and have no problems seeing anything at all without any aids. A few years ago when I first started at this company, I tried contacts for a while. That relationship ended badly. I got so frustrated one day at work I ripped them out of my eyes and threw them into the trash can, never blindly looking back. It was like a piece of sand was always in my left eye. I now know what an oyster feels like trying to create a pearl...it's a painful experience; kudos, oysters, you're tough cats.
I get so tired of messing with glasses too, though. I'm usually walking around like a second grader with fingerprints and God knows what smeared across the lenses. It's a wonder I can see at all with them on. So I thought I could go ahead and get the lenses changed in the old frames and try one more time with the contacts. After a lot of negotiation and deliberation, we decided to go with mono vision contacts. It's kind of a weird deal. For me, the right eye is dominant, so the contact for distance vision is in that eye. The left is is for the close vision. It seems like a person wouldn't be able to see anything well. After I put them on, I felt like I had eagle vision at a distance. Everything was crisp and clear. Up close? That was a little more Mr. Magoo-ish. This was the type of contacts I had before, so the good new was I didn't feel the boulder in my eye, the bad news...I have that brain learning curve to overcome so my brain adjusts to knowing which eye needs to be dominant at what time.
So for the last 24 hours I've been struggling with seeing my cell phone, reading any small print, and, well...typing this. We decided it might be a good idea to go by the docs office again this afternoon (one of the reasons my wife likes this doc, they have weekend hours) to see if everything is going the way it should be. I didn't remember the adjustment period being quite so long last time. So we stopped into their south office to check it out.
We walked in, and when we were called to the desk, we walked up to a couple of middle aged employees who were cheerful and ready to serve. They were both wearing glasses, the one who took the lead was wearing darker glasses. She explained that it takes about a week for your brain to adjust, allowing that proximate vision to kick in. I was glad to hear that, because my text messaging was becoming questionable at best. She offered me some weekly wear contacts (I was giving monthly) of a different brand to see if they worked any better. She also advised me to hold anything that I was attempting to view up close at my left side. She said she had monovision contacts also and if I followed her recommendations, I'd be like her in no time.
Here's where it got interesting, and challenging. Just this morning I had confessed to God what a jerk I am at times for my hypocrisy. I had seen someone, and it was the way they were dressed as they crossed the street that made me laugh to myself, and instantly, I felt badly that I laughed. I would never laugh in their face, so why would i laugh in the anonymous confines of my car? So I asked God to forgive me. How would I know that the same day I'd be put to the extreme test.
The very kind woman who was assisting us had the condition that some people have where both eyes aren't quite aimed the same direction. When I talk to you, I'm making eye contact, so as we're talking, I'm not quite sure which eye I'm supposed to look at. I'm chasing her eyes, trying to figure out if she's looking at me or looking at the lovergirl. But when she said, "my right eye is my reading eye, and my left eye is my huntin' eye" I have to admit I was just praying we'd be done really fast because I thought I was going to bite my tongue in half. What made it worse was, the eye I was making contact with was her 'huntin' eye'! Yikes!!
At the end of this week, I may not be seeing people the way I should be seeing them, but hopefully I'll be well on my way. Hopefully I'll do better with the next test God throws at me. FG
That date idea carries with it some inherent risk. Maybe her lack of good eyesight is one of the reasons she's hanging with me...she just hasn't had a good look at me yet! Well, risk notwithstanding, after we met some old friends for lunch and went to a really exciting birthday party for a 6 year old, we went to the eye docs office.
My wife had been to this office before, so I was handed the clipboard with 2 hours worth of medical history to complete, one or two questions actually having anything remotely to do with my eyeballs, and proceeded to draw lines through the "no" boxes. I really do thank God that I've had (in spite of some horrible personal habits I've had off and on throughout my life) a very healthy life. My medical history highlight pretty much began and ended at three years old getting my tonsils out. Now that I think of it, however, there WAS that one time my head swelled up the size of a basketball. That was kinda ugly. I still haven't shared those photos online, at least not yet. Suffice it to say for now that when I sent the photo from the emergency room to my oldest son, he thought I had sent him a photoshopped image. Nope, that was me in all my swollen glory! Anyway, that being said, it doesn't take me long to deal with all of those medical history questions. Between being healthy and being adopted, it makes quick work of those forms.
I took the clipboard proudly to the reception desk and was asked for my insurance card. I dug through my cards and found the vision insurance card and handed it to the girl behind the counter. The look on her face, you know, that quizzical look that made me wonder if I mistakenly handed her my concealed carry permit card. "Um...we don't take that insurance." Mind you, this is probably the biggest eye group in the city that's been around for years. They take "Claude's Red Dirt Inshoorance" for crying out loud. We work for a fairly large company and this office doesn't take what clearly is a better insurance company named "Superior"....which is clearly NOT superior. Thank the Lord for flex spending cards and my decision to max my contributions this year.
When they called BOTH of our names, I wasn't sure if it was a couples massage or an eye exam. I think this is the first time it's not been a solo experience for me. I'm flexible though. It usually means I have some golden opportunities to harass the lovergirl in front of an audience. Mostly embarrass her, but hey, tomato, tomahto.
The exams went well. She's just a little more in need for correction than her previous appointment. I started shopping for a seeing eye dog. Dang. My eyesight was perfect, actually better than 20/20 until a handful of years ago, and then I start going all Stevie Wonder. I've been practicing at work though, so in the event my eyesight degenerates too badly, I'll at least be slightly prepared. Being built up to Americans with Disabilities Act compliance, there are braille signs tagging everything in the building. So when the lovergirl and I are going to the get something downstairs in the break room, I'll feel the braille outside of the elevator and tell her it says, "3rd Floor", or by the restroom, "Women's restroom", then "break room"....she's always VERY impressed.
So now it's decision time. Contacts or glasses? I've had glasses for the last few years. I can survive without them, but details in the distance are a challenge, and details up close are a challenge. I can work all day in front of my three computer monitors for 9-10 hours and have no problems seeing anything at all without any aids. A few years ago when I first started at this company, I tried contacts for a while. That relationship ended badly. I got so frustrated one day at work I ripped them out of my eyes and threw them into the trash can, never blindly looking back. It was like a piece of sand was always in my left eye. I now know what an oyster feels like trying to create a pearl...it's a painful experience; kudos, oysters, you're tough cats.
I get so tired of messing with glasses too, though. I'm usually walking around like a second grader with fingerprints and God knows what smeared across the lenses. It's a wonder I can see at all with them on. So I thought I could go ahead and get the lenses changed in the old frames and try one more time with the contacts. After a lot of negotiation and deliberation, we decided to go with mono vision contacts. It's kind of a weird deal. For me, the right eye is dominant, so the contact for distance vision is in that eye. The left is is for the close vision. It seems like a person wouldn't be able to see anything well. After I put them on, I felt like I had eagle vision at a distance. Everything was crisp and clear. Up close? That was a little more Mr. Magoo-ish. This was the type of contacts I had before, so the good new was I didn't feel the boulder in my eye, the bad news...I have that brain learning curve to overcome so my brain adjusts to knowing which eye needs to be dominant at what time.
So for the last 24 hours I've been struggling with seeing my cell phone, reading any small print, and, well...typing this. We decided it might be a good idea to go by the docs office again this afternoon (one of the reasons my wife likes this doc, they have weekend hours) to see if everything is going the way it should be. I didn't remember the adjustment period being quite so long last time. So we stopped into their south office to check it out.
We walked in, and when we were called to the desk, we walked up to a couple of middle aged employees who were cheerful and ready to serve. They were both wearing glasses, the one who took the lead was wearing darker glasses. She explained that it takes about a week for your brain to adjust, allowing that proximate vision to kick in. I was glad to hear that, because my text messaging was becoming questionable at best. She offered me some weekly wear contacts (I was giving monthly) of a different brand to see if they worked any better. She also advised me to hold anything that I was attempting to view up close at my left side. She said she had monovision contacts also and if I followed her recommendations, I'd be like her in no time.
Here's where it got interesting, and challenging. Just this morning I had confessed to God what a jerk I am at times for my hypocrisy. I had seen someone, and it was the way they were dressed as they crossed the street that made me laugh to myself, and instantly, I felt badly that I laughed. I would never laugh in their face, so why would i laugh in the anonymous confines of my car? So I asked God to forgive me. How would I know that the same day I'd be put to the extreme test.
The very kind woman who was assisting us had the condition that some people have where both eyes aren't quite aimed the same direction. When I talk to you, I'm making eye contact, so as we're talking, I'm not quite sure which eye I'm supposed to look at. I'm chasing her eyes, trying to figure out if she's looking at me or looking at the lovergirl. But when she said, "my right eye is my reading eye, and my left eye is my huntin' eye" I have to admit I was just praying we'd be done really fast because I thought I was going to bite my tongue in half. What made it worse was, the eye I was making contact with was her 'huntin' eye'! Yikes!!
At the end of this week, I may not be seeing people the way I should be seeing them, but hopefully I'll be well on my way. Hopefully I'll do better with the next test God throws at me. FG
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