The Problem with Common Courtesy
I remember the old phone with rotary dial. That's what I grew up with. It took for...ev...er to make a long distance phone call. Especially if the phone number had a bunch of digits bigger than 5. Dialing would almost make you so tired that you'd forget who you were calling. I'm glad those went away. I don't miss them at all. Kind of like my bag phone. I was really cool for a few months carrying that bag phone around with me, laying it on the table in the restaurant like I was all that. I don't miss that either. I'm happy now with Siri and my iPhone. There are tons of things I grew up with that I don't miss at all.
It's not that way with everything, though. I miss the simple times on the farm. I miss the sound of scratchy disks playing on the record player. I miss playing in the yard with my brothers. ....and I miss the days of common courtesy.
Emerson is the one I heard was credited with the quote, "The trouble with common sense is that it's far too uncommon." So true. The same is true of common courtesy. It USED to be common, but not so anymore. Being raised to say, "yes sir", "no ma'am", "please" and "thank you", it's hard to take not seeing and hearing these things anymore. To respect people only because they are older than you or because they're in a position of authority over you has gone the way of the Victrola and Amos and Andy (I didn't really know who these guys were either...point made).
I've said before that I was a pastor for quite a while. Feeling a bit unnerved one week by what seemed like a growing lack of civility in our culture, I thought the subject needed to be addressed. Especially since I was seeing it in the community of God fearing people as much (if not more in some cases) as with the "heathen". I wanted to address the issue of "manners" and "etiquette" in the church. Seems like it would be easy enough. Pretty lightweight stuff compared to the eschatalogical genres found in the theology of Paul. But I caught more hell over that sermon than any one I ever preached. It was as if I were encouraging people to worship satan or something. I'm thinking that if there would have been a stake, firewood, and gasoline handy.... Apparently it's OK to tell people not to screw around with their neighbors husband or wife, but it's not OK to tell people to be nice, thoughtful, and considerate of other people.
People have always thought that they themselves were the center of the universe. According to what I read in the Bible, that's the core of what is called in the pages of scripture, the "sinful nature". That's what got us booted out of paradise and has brought a world of trouble on us ever since. But people have found ways to not ACT like it all the time regardless of what they think. Somewhere, somehow, people figured out that the only way we're not going to nuke each other daily is to act in a civil manner. Being courteous, respectful, using manners and etiquette, and being considerate of others seemed to work well. It seems to be much more pleasant that way, and it seems to get us a little closer to behaving the way we were designed to behave.
We've just made it through another Christmas shopping season. The whole lack of civility seems to escalate during the time of giving and cheer. Ironic isn't it?? I really don't mind someone blocking the aisle if they notice it and say excuse me and move out of the way. I really don't mind someone cutting me off if they acknowledge it and say, "I'm sorry". I really don't mind waiting in line if someone tries to ease the pain by saying something...anything. I really don't believe that everyone does these stupid things on purpose. I believe they're just ignorant. Not in the derogatory sense of the word, but in the uneducated sense of the word. It hasn't been drilled into their heads or modeled for them in years. The bad thing about that is, it makes them come across as stupid...in the derogatory sense.
By not saying "please" and "thank you" to your spouse when you're asking something of them, it makes it sound like your telling them what to do...in the form of a question. If kids are asking parents, it makes them sound demanding. It's demonstrating you take those around you for granted, or that there is an expectation that they serve you and your needs.
And on the street....ugh...I'm saving that one for a different day.
In the Old Testament of the Bible, it was expected when an older person came into the room that everyone younger than that person would stand to their feet in respect and deference to the age and wisdom (whether they were actually wise or not) of that elderly man or woman. Grandma wasn't expected to sit on the floor because all of the other chairs were taken by video game playing grandkids. The guests aren't expected to sit on the folding chairs while I sit in my favorite chair.
I'm not the center of the universe. The world does not have to move out of my way. The world doesn't have to take second place to me and my needs. The world doesn't need to have the door slam in it's face behind me when I walk into the mall. There are other people trying to get down the aisle (even if my scooter doesn't go very fast), there are other people coming down the main aisle when I'm shooting out of it taking the corner on two wheels with my cart to get to the next aisle. That person deserves an 'excuse me' if I bump into them.
I could never be a restaurant server. I would end up punching someone square in the mouth. Then there'd be the arrest and then the trial...I don't see that ending well for me....at all. Why couldn't I? Because people are freakin' rude! People all of a sudden act like they're the wealthy billionaire with servants who damn well better do what they want or they're going to be looking for another servant job with some other wealthy family. I've noticed that even the most polite of people in other contexts totally lose it when there is a server standing beside the table trying to work his way through college. There's no 'please' or 'thank you'...because we're paying them to do what we want, and if they don't do exactly what we want, when we want...we'll withhold the almighty 10% (by the way, I hope you heard the sarcasm in my voice when I said 10%...it hasn't been that for years, but there are still a lot of 'church people' who gave their 10% at church so they figure that when they get to the restaurant, they don't have to do it again...ouch).
My hope is that manners, civility and common courtesy haven't gone the way of the TV tube. My mom had the dubious task of raising three sons. Having no sisters, she was the only female in the family. She was bound and determined that she wasn't going to raise 3 neanderthals, but that we would know how to cook, clean, do laundry, and most of all, how a woman ought to be treated. When we drove to Wichita to go shopping, I swear she would stand in front of the glass entry door at the store for three days waiting for it to open if she had to. I don't think she knew how a door operated. Somehow it always magically opened for her. Not because she stepped on a mat triggering the automatic door opener. She knew that if one of four automatic door openers she took shopping with her didn't operate, we'd be standing there for a while. Mom and Dad expected manners and respect. Not only did they expect it, they demanded it. And for the most part they usually earned it. Most of all, they received it. It was constantly drilled into our heads. Do you know why? Because their parents did the same thing. It was the way things were supposed to be. It was 'normal'. So it was also normal when raising my own kids. My oldest son open doors for his wife. They all say please and thank you...they've discovered that they're not too old for manners...NEVER too old for manners.
I miss it...I don't want an uncivilized world. It's really not that difficult. It really doesn't take that much effort. It may take a while to unlearn some bad things and relearn what used to be common. Maybe we should require people to watch "Leave it to Beaver". As unrealistic as some of those half hour neatly packaged stories were, they at least had some things right. I still see little glimmer of hope, though. I see uncommon courtesies now and again. My biggest hope, however, is that the uncommon becomes common once again. Then we can sing with Louie Armstrong, "What a Wonderful World".
It's not that way with everything, though. I miss the simple times on the farm. I miss the sound of scratchy disks playing on the record player. I miss playing in the yard with my brothers. ....and I miss the days of common courtesy.
Emerson is the one I heard was credited with the quote, "The trouble with common sense is that it's far too uncommon." So true. The same is true of common courtesy. It USED to be common, but not so anymore. Being raised to say, "yes sir", "no ma'am", "please" and "thank you", it's hard to take not seeing and hearing these things anymore. To respect people only because they are older than you or because they're in a position of authority over you has gone the way of the Victrola and Amos and Andy (I didn't really know who these guys were either...point made).
I've said before that I was a pastor for quite a while. Feeling a bit unnerved one week by what seemed like a growing lack of civility in our culture, I thought the subject needed to be addressed. Especially since I was seeing it in the community of God fearing people as much (if not more in some cases) as with the "heathen". I wanted to address the issue of "manners" and "etiquette" in the church. Seems like it would be easy enough. Pretty lightweight stuff compared to the eschatalogical genres found in the theology of Paul. But I caught more hell over that sermon than any one I ever preached. It was as if I were encouraging people to worship satan or something. I'm thinking that if there would have been a stake, firewood, and gasoline handy.... Apparently it's OK to tell people not to screw around with their neighbors husband or wife, but it's not OK to tell people to be nice, thoughtful, and considerate of other people.
People have always thought that they themselves were the center of the universe. According to what I read in the Bible, that's the core of what is called in the pages of scripture, the "sinful nature". That's what got us booted out of paradise and has brought a world of trouble on us ever since. But people have found ways to not ACT like it all the time regardless of what they think. Somewhere, somehow, people figured out that the only way we're not going to nuke each other daily is to act in a civil manner. Being courteous, respectful, using manners and etiquette, and being considerate of others seemed to work well. It seems to be much more pleasant that way, and it seems to get us a little closer to behaving the way we were designed to behave.
We've just made it through another Christmas shopping season. The whole lack of civility seems to escalate during the time of giving and cheer. Ironic isn't it?? I really don't mind someone blocking the aisle if they notice it and say excuse me and move out of the way. I really don't mind someone cutting me off if they acknowledge it and say, "I'm sorry". I really don't mind waiting in line if someone tries to ease the pain by saying something...anything. I really don't believe that everyone does these stupid things on purpose. I believe they're just ignorant. Not in the derogatory sense of the word, but in the uneducated sense of the word. It hasn't been drilled into their heads or modeled for them in years. The bad thing about that is, it makes them come across as stupid...in the derogatory sense.
By not saying "please" and "thank you" to your spouse when you're asking something of them, it makes it sound like your telling them what to do...in the form of a question. If kids are asking parents, it makes them sound demanding. It's demonstrating you take those around you for granted, or that there is an expectation that they serve you and your needs.
And on the street....ugh...I'm saving that one for a different day.
In the Old Testament of the Bible, it was expected when an older person came into the room that everyone younger than that person would stand to their feet in respect and deference to the age and wisdom (whether they were actually wise or not) of that elderly man or woman. Grandma wasn't expected to sit on the floor because all of the other chairs were taken by video game playing grandkids. The guests aren't expected to sit on the folding chairs while I sit in my favorite chair.
I'm not the center of the universe. The world does not have to move out of my way. The world doesn't have to take second place to me and my needs. The world doesn't need to have the door slam in it's face behind me when I walk into the mall. There are other people trying to get down the aisle (even if my scooter doesn't go very fast), there are other people coming down the main aisle when I'm shooting out of it taking the corner on two wheels with my cart to get to the next aisle. That person deserves an 'excuse me' if I bump into them.
I could never be a restaurant server. I would end up punching someone square in the mouth. Then there'd be the arrest and then the trial...I don't see that ending well for me....at all. Why couldn't I? Because people are freakin' rude! People all of a sudden act like they're the wealthy billionaire with servants who damn well better do what they want or they're going to be looking for another servant job with some other wealthy family. I've noticed that even the most polite of people in other contexts totally lose it when there is a server standing beside the table trying to work his way through college. There's no 'please' or 'thank you'...because we're paying them to do what we want, and if they don't do exactly what we want, when we want...we'll withhold the almighty 10% (by the way, I hope you heard the sarcasm in my voice when I said 10%...it hasn't been that for years, but there are still a lot of 'church people' who gave their 10% at church so they figure that when they get to the restaurant, they don't have to do it again...ouch).
My hope is that manners, civility and common courtesy haven't gone the way of the TV tube. My mom had the dubious task of raising three sons. Having no sisters, she was the only female in the family. She was bound and determined that she wasn't going to raise 3 neanderthals, but that we would know how to cook, clean, do laundry, and most of all, how a woman ought to be treated. When we drove to Wichita to go shopping, I swear she would stand in front of the glass entry door at the store for three days waiting for it to open if she had to. I don't think she knew how a door operated. Somehow it always magically opened for her. Not because she stepped on a mat triggering the automatic door opener. She knew that if one of four automatic door openers she took shopping with her didn't operate, we'd be standing there for a while. Mom and Dad expected manners and respect. Not only did they expect it, they demanded it. And for the most part they usually earned it. Most of all, they received it. It was constantly drilled into our heads. Do you know why? Because their parents did the same thing. It was the way things were supposed to be. It was 'normal'. So it was also normal when raising my own kids. My oldest son open doors for his wife. They all say please and thank you...they've discovered that they're not too old for manners...NEVER too old for manners.
I miss it...I don't want an uncivilized world. It's really not that difficult. It really doesn't take that much effort. It may take a while to unlearn some bad things and relearn what used to be common. Maybe we should require people to watch "Leave it to Beaver". As unrealistic as some of those half hour neatly packaged stories were, they at least had some things right. I still see little glimmer of hope, though. I see uncommon courtesies now and again. My biggest hope, however, is that the uncommon becomes common once again. Then we can sing with Louie Armstrong, "What a Wonderful World".
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