Givers, Takers, and Other Kinds of Lovers
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: The only thing we're going to take with us out of this life is relationships. We're not taking our house, shoes, clothes, jewelry, cars, credit cards (or debt thankfully), or cash (whatever that is) with us into forever. The only 'thing' we'll take with us is relationships. So far as I can tell, Two Men and a Truck isn't going to follow me in my Mustang into eternity. I've studied the Bible a good portion of my life, and I don't recall our stuff getting beamed up with us from the transporter room. OK, don't be a hater....just because I used a Star Trek reference doesn't necessarily make me a nerd!
Stuff is easier to acquire, keep, and maintain than relationships. Stuff is passive...static. We want it, we work, save, and/or spend to obtain the stuff we want. We can either maintain the stuff, or not, and it really doesn't have any personal impact on said stuff. We can break it, save it, sell it (NOT sale it! sheesh), give it away, neglect it, or nearly worship it. Again, stuff doesn't need professional counseling based on your actions or reactions to it. Gathering stuff only requires a party of one.
Relationships, specifically friendships, are far more complex. Friendships are dynamic, organic, living things. Just because you want one, doesn't mean you'll get it. Just because you get it, doesn't mean you get to keep I, or even want it. And unlike stuff, professional intervention all too frequently, sad to say, is required to intervene in the midst of, or in the aftermath of a friendship. These relationships can be amazingly wonderful, or horribly tragic. A friendship requires the actions/reactions of TWO individuals, not just one.
I'll preface what remains by saying that I've not always been the ideal friend. Throughout my life, there has been trial and error, some horrible errors at that. I've been as guilty as the next guy about letting other things get in the way of friendships...at a cost. Though not an excuse, I'm pretty sure it was through ignorance, not malice, that some of those friendships didn't survive. I'm still learning, but I believe I'm getting better at this friendship thing as time goes on.
I count myself as fortunate to have many friends. For the most part, I like people. It's never been terribly difficult for me to make friends. I've been told that I kinda like to talk a little bit (shut it, boys!). I've always been very curious, so I ask a lot of questions. I like to learn from people. I tend to take interest in lots of different kinds of things, so it's not too difficult to talk to people from different walks of life. I've had many different experiences, which lend to identification with those who have traveled similar paths. I have friends from childhood, many of whom I spent 13 years with in my early education. Many of these people I still consider to be friends, though we don't get to see each other often. I have friends from my early days in the fire service. My then Captain, Mike, I have stayed in contact through the years. College, jobs, neighborhoods, churches, even a UPS delivery guy who always brought products I purchased to my shop, all comprise friendships developed through the years. I consider myself rich, even though I live from paycheck to 4 days before paycheck.
I've learned in relationships, there are givers and there are takers. I preached a sermon once with the same title as my post today. My premise (based on the parable of the 'good Samaritan') was that in relationships (friendships included), if two people are takers, no one receives...everyone loses. If there is a giver and a taker, one person receives, one person loses (although both truly lose). If both are givers, everyone receives...everyone wins.
Think about takers. A person suddenly acquires wealth...what happens. Yep, people they haven't seen for years come out of the woodwork. Perhaps the subject of money doesn't come up for a little while as to not be too obvious, but sooner or later, it comes up. It lasts as long as the need or your funds do. How about the 'post it note' people? There's something about you, perhaps your attitude, the attention you give them, the energy you exude...they attach themselves to you like an alien to a host and are totally content to drain us completely of that which they're feeding. Some are dictators...they attempt to control who you spend your time with, when you spend your time with them, how much time and attention you give to others. What tends to happen with all of these people is that they end up attempting to dominate your time, attention, money (or stuff), other relationships, energy...the list goes on. Some takers aren't content until you're completely drained of any of the above. In any event, it's a recipe for a doomed friendship.
It stands to reason that the healthiest friendships are going to be when both you and your friend are givers. We're all going to have some takers around us from time to time. Be careful that you don't surround yourself with too many or you'll find yourself drained. Be careful that you're not merely an enabler. Don't feel bad about setting boundaries with takers. Is it bad to share your resources, time, energy, attention, etc.?? Of course not. But be careful that you don't end up having nothing left to give. Takers are insatiable, whether intentional or not, they'll bleed you dry.
You'll find that the best friendships you have are ones in which you both give. Choose to be a giver! FG
Stuff is easier to acquire, keep, and maintain than relationships. Stuff is passive...static. We want it, we work, save, and/or spend to obtain the stuff we want. We can either maintain the stuff, or not, and it really doesn't have any personal impact on said stuff. We can break it, save it, sell it (NOT sale it! sheesh), give it away, neglect it, or nearly worship it. Again, stuff doesn't need professional counseling based on your actions or reactions to it. Gathering stuff only requires a party of one.
Relationships, specifically friendships, are far more complex. Friendships are dynamic, organic, living things. Just because you want one, doesn't mean you'll get it. Just because you get it, doesn't mean you get to keep I, or even want it. And unlike stuff, professional intervention all too frequently, sad to say, is required to intervene in the midst of, or in the aftermath of a friendship. These relationships can be amazingly wonderful, or horribly tragic. A friendship requires the actions/reactions of TWO individuals, not just one.
I'll preface what remains by saying that I've not always been the ideal friend. Throughout my life, there has been trial and error, some horrible errors at that. I've been as guilty as the next guy about letting other things get in the way of friendships...at a cost. Though not an excuse, I'm pretty sure it was through ignorance, not malice, that some of those friendships didn't survive. I'm still learning, but I believe I'm getting better at this friendship thing as time goes on.
I count myself as fortunate to have many friends. For the most part, I like people. It's never been terribly difficult for me to make friends. I've been told that I kinda like to talk a little bit (shut it, boys!). I've always been very curious, so I ask a lot of questions. I like to learn from people. I tend to take interest in lots of different kinds of things, so it's not too difficult to talk to people from different walks of life. I've had many different experiences, which lend to identification with those who have traveled similar paths. I have friends from childhood, many of whom I spent 13 years with in my early education. Many of these people I still consider to be friends, though we don't get to see each other often. I have friends from my early days in the fire service. My then Captain, Mike, I have stayed in contact through the years. College, jobs, neighborhoods, churches, even a UPS delivery guy who always brought products I purchased to my shop, all comprise friendships developed through the years. I consider myself rich, even though I live from paycheck to 4 days before paycheck.
I've learned in relationships, there are givers and there are takers. I preached a sermon once with the same title as my post today. My premise (based on the parable of the 'good Samaritan') was that in relationships (friendships included), if two people are takers, no one receives...everyone loses. If there is a giver and a taker, one person receives, one person loses (although both truly lose). If both are givers, everyone receives...everyone wins.
Think about takers. A person suddenly acquires wealth...what happens. Yep, people they haven't seen for years come out of the woodwork. Perhaps the subject of money doesn't come up for a little while as to not be too obvious, but sooner or later, it comes up. It lasts as long as the need or your funds do. How about the 'post it note' people? There's something about you, perhaps your attitude, the attention you give them, the energy you exude...they attach themselves to you like an alien to a host and are totally content to drain us completely of that which they're feeding. Some are dictators...they attempt to control who you spend your time with, when you spend your time with them, how much time and attention you give to others. What tends to happen with all of these people is that they end up attempting to dominate your time, attention, money (or stuff), other relationships, energy...the list goes on. Some takers aren't content until you're completely drained of any of the above. In any event, it's a recipe for a doomed friendship.
It stands to reason that the healthiest friendships are going to be when both you and your friend are givers. We're all going to have some takers around us from time to time. Be careful that you don't surround yourself with too many or you'll find yourself drained. Be careful that you're not merely an enabler. Don't feel bad about setting boundaries with takers. Is it bad to share your resources, time, energy, attention, etc.?? Of course not. But be careful that you don't end up having nothing left to give. Takers are insatiable, whether intentional or not, they'll bleed you dry.
You'll find that the best friendships you have are ones in which you both give. Choose to be a giver! FG
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